Breaking Down or Breaking Through?

If you have come across my business, I like to believe that you are somewhere in your spiritual awakening. Whether you are fully immersed in your journey, or just have a soft voice whispering to you that something needs to change. You have come here and there is a part of you that is yearning for a deeper connection to spirit. There comes a time where you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Your old ways of doing things are just not working for you anymore. You feel disconnected from deep parts of you, and you are wondering if there is more out there for you. This message hit my spirit this week as we gear up to switch between summer and autumn. I found myself meditating on the idea of change and how many of us have to be pushed to our breaking point in order to invoke the change we need to grow, heal, and evolve. 

When we are born, we are so fresh and new that we are deeply connected to source and our own soul’s mission. We are light, intuitive, and deeply connected beings. As we grow, learn, and are parented we adapt to the conditioning of our environment and conform to society. Eventually pieces of our authentic selves get pushed further downward. We experience pain and trauma that adds more layers of defense, and the ways that we learn to cope begin to be disguised as our true identity. We might go through our whole lives operating in this way, and never question it. But for many of us, those buried parts start to reach out. At first they are just a nagging feeling showing up. You might suddenly feel annoyed by people who you used to fill your time with. You might feel faintly detached from certain things you used to love. The ways you allowed yourself to escape now seem like a distraction and a waste of time. This grows into bigger misalignments within your spirit. You notice yourself getting drained around certain friends and loved ones, and your job feels less inspiring. As time goes on, that once soft spoken voice gets louder and begins nudging you in different directions. Telling you to stay at home instead of going out and partying. Telling you to spend more time praying and meditating than scrolling social media. It starts giving you guidance when you are lost, and helps you become more attune to those around you. You start receiving information on things you were curious about through signs, and the things that onced drew you in now dont even catch your attention. You wake up and realize you dont even recognize who you are becoming. And you ask yourself, “Am I going crazy?”

There is a kind of spiritual depression that happens at the beginning of our spiritual journey, and I would add that it shows up when we enter each new stage of our journey as well; It is a time where our spirit begins to awaken and we become overwhelmingly aware of our soul’s pain. Eckhart Tolle calls it the “pain body”. Where we were once able to push through, we now become weighed down by the pain we have accumulated in our souls through our past experiences and the current state of our world. It seems like there is no great transformer in the human experience than pain. Nothing that quite wakes us up and gets our attention like pain. Maybe one day we will evolve into beings that can allow transformation through pleasure like we have pain. But we are not completely there yet. 

This pain shakes up our bodies and makes us FEEL again. This spiritual awakening occuring can often feel like a breakdown. The melancholy, the lack of interest, the withdrawal, and isolation can feel so close to depression. This is why we must also seek professional help to make sure that through this awakening period that we are getting the support that we need to unpack all the things rising to the surface. Through guidance and support you come to realize that this break-down that is happening is just your breakthrough. 

See, the things that have been keeping you stuck, in cycles, bound, and unfulfilled have a strongly rooted system. They are embedded in your belief system, your family system, your community, and society. The things holding you down have its roots in centuries of history and are ingrained in the fabric of your dna. So when you awaken, this internal battle is created between the colonized and the free parts of you. It can feel like you are against yourself. But it is just your true self trying to be freed. Freed from what no longer serves you. Freed from behaviors that are keeping you in cycles of pain and trauma. Freed from connections and relationships that keep you small and blind to your own power. Freed from your negative thoughts that lie to you about your own potential. Freed from the colonized self that keeps your soul in shackles and depending on the system for nourishment. 

Right now you may be feeling that internal battle. You may have been feeling extra aggravated, annoyed, and desperate for answers. You could be feeling catapulted in a different dimension where you are having trouble recognizing who you even are. Know that this is divinely orchestrated. Your spirit guides are beckoning you to break loose of the old narrative and paradigm and to activate your spirit's evolution. Your old ways are not working anymore, and it's time you align with your soul’s mission. The fullness of this plan is not fully revealed. And as we enter the fall season, spirit is encouraging us to act by faith and not by sight. This is a channeled message for whoever is reading this. You are about to go through a period that will feel like you are moving in the dark. This is because you are so new to choosing to surrender rather than grasping onto control. It is a time that will favor taking risks and leaning heavily on your intuition. For a while, it will feel like what you are doing is for nothing. But like the trees in autumn, you have to allow for the necessary to fall away to enter into a new season of blossoming. You have to venture into the dark crevices of your soul to find your true light. 

So you ask yourself, am I breaking down or am I breaking through? That is all up to you. Will you answer the call of your spirit to level up and evolve or will you resist and perpetuate karmic cycles. The choice is yours. The buddhist have a saying, “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” This is a season where we make the decision that we can no longer afford to turn circumstantial pain into everlasting suffering. You deserve to be free. 

If this message resonated with you feel free to leave a comment to add to the conversation. Make sure you are following me on my socials @starseed_botanica. If you find that you are in this place in your journey and would like support and guidance on how to heal spiritually, feel free to reach out to book one of my healing services where I can lead you on your journey towards ascension and evolution.